I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
