he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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