Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Life is so much better after having sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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