Plan B is the new Plan A
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
