U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
