well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
