walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
