i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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