Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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