Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
