opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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