my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
