Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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