I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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