If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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