I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
