Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
