Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My hand turned me down
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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