When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
