Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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