I didn't shave. On purpose
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
