I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
