as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
