I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
