one might say we're banned from that church
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize