I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
