Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
