I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
