So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
