Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
