Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
