i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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