Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
