i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
