Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
