At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
