We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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