he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
