Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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