i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
