So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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