I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
