No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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