all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
