I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
