Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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