Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
