why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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