Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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