I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
