Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
