tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
