She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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