How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
